The Haunting of Hiring: Beware of These CV Nightmares
Posted: 30/10/23Author: Freddie Plant
Welcome, dear readers, to a spine-chilling edition of our blog! With Halloween just around the corner, we thought it fitting to delve into the dark depths of recruitment, where CVs can sometimes resemble more of a horror story than a professional document. In this special feature, we’ll share hair-raising tales straight from the recruitment crypt—real-life examples of CVs that have left even the most seasoned recruiters trembling with disbelief. Join us, if you dare, on this journey through the world of CV Nightmares!
Our first encounter in the world of CV nightmares takes us to a place where structure and coherence go to die. We affectionately refer to it as “The Franken-Resume”. Picture this: a document that appears to be patched together from the remnants of countless other CVs. Fonts change size and style without rhyme or reason, sections appear to be borrowed from unrelated job applications, and bullet points float aimlessly in a sea of white space.
Recruiters are left scratching their heads, trying to discern the candidate’s skills and experience amidst the chaos. It’s as if a mad scientist took various CV elements and stitched them together, creating a monstrous document that defies logic.
“The Phantom Experience Section”
Moving deeper into our collection of spine-chilling CVs, we stumble upon “The Phantom Experience Section.” This ghastly creation leaves recruiters in a state of bewilderment as if they’ve encountered a ghost—there’s a distinct absence of any relevant work history.
The candidate’s CV reads like a book missing its middle chapters. There’s an eerie gap between graduation and the present, with no mention of any professional endeavours in sight. Recruiters are left to wonder: has this applicant been honing their skills in the shadows, away from the prying eyes of potential employers? Or is this a case of a spectre seeking to materialize in the workforce without a trace of prior engagement?
These CVs serve as a haunting reminder of the importance of showcasing one’s professional journey. Without a clear account of past experiences, it’s challenging for recruiters to gauge a candidate’s suitability for a role.
In the realm of CV nightmares, we encounter a particularly haunting phenomenon known as “Zombie Skills.” These are the skills that seem to rise from the dead long after their relevance has decayed.
Imagine stumbling upon a CV proudly proclaiming expertise in technologies and software programs that have long since been relegated to the annals of tech history. It’s as if the candidate has summoned the spirits of outdated skills, hoping they’ll impress prospective employers.
Recruiters are left grappling with questions: Does this candidate truly possess the up-to-date skills needed for the job? Or are they clinging to past proficiencies like a spectre reluctant to move on?
“The Ghastly Grammar”
Venturing further into the haunted forest of CVs, we encounter “The Ghastly Grammar.” These are the resumes that chill recruiters to the bone with their haunting errors in spelling and grammar.
The howls of autocorrect mishaps echo through the document, while the wails of misused homophones send shivers down the spines of those reading. Recruiters find themselves in a house of mirrors, trying to decipher the intended message amid the maze of mistakes.
One memorable example featured a candidate who claimed to have “great attention too detail,” while also asserting their “excellent writen and verbal communications.” The irony was not lost on us.
“The Cryptic Cover Letter”
As we navigate further through the haunted halls of recruitment and deeper into the world of CV nightmares, we come across “The Cryptic Cover Letter.” This is a sinister companion to a CV that leaves recruiters feeling like they’ve stumbled into a maze with no exit.
The cover letter, instead of illuminating the candidate’s motivations and suitability for the role, reads like a riddle wrapped in enigma. It speaks in vague generalities and cryptic language, leaving recruiters with more questions than answers. It’s as if the candidate has taken a page from the playbook of the Sphinx, challenging those who dare to decipher their true intentions. Take some advice from the pros – write a proper cover letter.
“The Headless Headshot”
In our journey through the haunted halls of recruitment, we come upon “The Headless Headshot.” This sight sends chills down the spines of even the most seasoned recruiters.
Instead of a professional photograph, some CVs present images that belong more in a passport photo booth than a job application. Others occupy this section with ghastly pixilated pictures of their 2011 holiday to Mykonos. It’s a reminder that every aspect of a CV, including the headshot, should be carefully considered.
“The Phantom References”
As we delve further into the shadowy depths of CV Nightmares, we encounter “The Phantom References.” These are the CVs that leave recruiters feeling like they’re chasing ghosts when trying to verify a candidate’s background.
In this bone-chilling scenario, candidates either fail to provide any references at all or conjure up fictional characters to vouch for their professional prowess. Recruiters are left with the unnerving task of trying to separate fact from fiction, wondering if the listed references even exist in the mortal realm.
This ghostly absence of credible references can cast a dark cloud over a candidate’s application. It’s a stark reminder of the importance of providing accurate and verifiable professional contacts.
Conclusion – don’t have a CV nightmare:
As we wrap up our bone-chilling journey through the crypts of CV Nightmares, we’re reminded that even in the darkest corners of recruitment, there are valuable lessons to be learned. These hair-raising tales serve as cautionary reminders for both candidates and recruiters alike.
Remember, your CV is your first impression, and much like a ghostly apparition, it should leave a lasting mark. Avoid the pitfalls of “The Franken-Resume,” “The Phantom Experience Section,” and the other ghoulish spectres that haunt the world of job applications.
If you’re unsure whether your CV is a trick or a treat, don’t hesitate to reach out to our expert team. We’re here to help you exorcise any CV demons and ensure that your application shines like a harvest moon on a clear autumn night.
Contact us today to schedule a consultation and discover if your CV is destined for success or needs a supernatural makeover. After all, in the world of recruitment, it’s always better to be a treat than a trick.
Wishing you a spook-tacular Halloween season and a future filled with career success!